Motherhood is something isn't it?
There are good days and bad, challenging times, and major victories. No matter what the day brings, being a mama is by far the hardest job I've ever had, and knowing how to cope with the chaos is crucial.
I won't even pretend that I have my shit together, but as I'm riding this mama rollercoaster, I can honestly say that I'm slowly learning that at the end of the day -- it is what it is and if we are all fed, loved and mostly happy, I'm winning!
I'm still tweaking my calming routine when the stress of momming gets intense, but here are my top 5 tips to get you through those tough times and some things you should make a habit in your life to keep your mama brain sane.
1. Cry
That's right. You heard me. Let that shit out.
9 times out of 10, I try and fight back my tears of frustration, defeat and overwhelm, but truth be told, once I just let the tears flow and get the emotion out, I feel 100% better and ready to tackle the next step in my calming routine. Holding in your tears is actually detrimental to your health. When you hold back your tears, your sympathetic nervous system is triggered and your heart rate speeds up and thus elevates your blood pressure as the large blood vessel in your heart get dilated. Your breathing can change, your stress hormone increases and you're actually causing yourself more internal chaos then if you just let those emotions flow. So, let it out mama -- you're human -- and it's ok to leak some emotion when needed.
2. Breathe
I know, easier said than done - but inhale hope and exhale the stress.
It's hard to find five minutes some days, especially in the moment of a break down, to meditate and just focus on your breath. But taking even one minute to intentionally breathe can seriously reduce the cortisol levels in your body and bring you back to square one. Close your eyes, stop what you're doing and just breathe. Truly listen to the noise of your breath entering in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focus on this glorious sound of life for one minute and restore your mind. Have more than a minute? Check out some free meditations on Insight Timer . It's my go to app for getting some spiritual grounding in.
3. Give yourself A Reality Check
Let's be honest -- you're a damn rockstar. Whatever you're going through is gonna pass.
Again, easier said then done, but one thing I'm trying to remind myself of during times of stress is that the situation I'm in is most likely temporary -- I mean, let's be honest, everything is. Look at what's stressing you out and have a serious come to Jesus moment with yourself. Is this worth causing yourself internal pain? Can this be fixed with time or a few actions? Most likely the ass hat that's making you feel overwhelmed or the situation that's causing you chaos in the moment can be adjusted with a few actions. Assess what's going on, come up with a plan and remember, you're a badass -- for real. I mean, you grew a human. Think about that for a moment. You GREW a human. You can handle anything, boo. Don't forget it. Make a plan, stick to it and keep on keepin' on with yo' bad self.
4. Call A Friend
Sometimes talking it out is really all you need. Lean on your village, they're there for a reason.
We all have a village. Even if it's a village of one or two, we all have someone we can lean on. Don't have someone? Email me! I'll help ya, mama!
More often than not, venting to a listening ear will help to relieve the stress you're under. It's great to get things off your chest but it's also wonderful to feel justified in your thoughts. Sometimes someone else can offer insight to your situation that you're too blind to see in the moment. Reach out to your tribe and don't feel ashamed to admit you're having a hard time. We have ALL been there. Motherhood is a journey and no one has this shit all figured out.
5. Take Time For You
Yup, I know..you feel guilty, but guess what, you need you time and you're little will be ok, promise!
This is CRUCIAL. Since becoming a mama I've battled with actually taking time away for myself. Let me tell you what--when I take time for me, and I mean REALLY take time for me, everyone wins. If you're feeling overwhelmed, step out of the house, girlfriend. Disconnect for a handful of hours and take some time for you. Treat yourself to a mani pedi, indulge in retail therapy or if you're like me, go sit in nature with a glass of bubbles and connect with mother earth and the sound of sweet bliss. Whatever it is you choose to do is up to you, but don't for a second think that you don't deserve a break. Often times when the chaos rises, it's because we really haven't had a second of alone time. That alone time helps to recharge your mom batteries and can leave you feeling relaxed and ready to come back home calm and clear headed. Treat yo' self! You deserve it.
These are just 5 quick things to do to help bring some calm into your life, but the list goes on of different techniques you can utilize to help restore your sanity. At the end of the day, know that you are doing such a wonderful job, and that every parent has their up's and down's.
When you see someone that looks like they have it all together, know they are on the same level as you and that hot mess express is the new chic, so embrace your struggles! These difficult times are all experiences you will learn from and you always have to find the silver lining in every situation. Keep your chin up, buttercup - -you got this and more!